Evie:  Is Easter someone’s birthday?

Me:  No, that’s Christmas.  When Jesus was born.

Bill:  Well, this is a resurrection day… it’s kind of a birthday… like his rebirth.

Evie:  Who?

Me:  Baby Jesus.

Bill:  Not baby Jesus.  Adult Jesus.

Me:  The big JC.

Evie:  I didn’t know there was an adult Jesus.

Bill:  What, you didn’t think he grew up?

Me:  He grew up, and he was killed.  And this is the day when he went to heaven.

Evie: (confused)

Me:  The story is, when you die, your soul goes to heaven.  But Jesus was supposed to have gone to heaven with his whole body.  Which is, you know, unusual.

Evie:  What’s a soul?

Bill:  It’s what black people have…

Me:  (madly clutching head)  Oh my god we are SO unprepared to educate the children in the ways of the force!

Evie:  Now your hair’s all messed up.

Billy:  And you spit on my face.

And that is the story of Easter in the looney bin.